God's light

I was scheduled and had my surgery on January 3, 2002. Once again, I had a triple bypass open heart. The cardiac surgeon came out and told my family that the surgery had gone well, but he also stated that he could not even tell that the second surgery had been done. So much for new procedures. He did not like giving medication to make his patient to wake up after surgery, he felt that it was better if they came out on their own. My family was staying across the street from the hospital in a townhouse that was for patient's families. Kenny said that he received a call very early in the AM stating that he needed to come to the hospital because I was not waking up from the surgery. A CT was done and it was discovered that I had had a stroke. The popping that I felt after the heart cath was something breaking loose and causing the stroke. This was the start of a long process that no one could have even imagined. There were many complications. I ended up in a coma for about 6 weeks. Evidentally, I swelled up so much from medications, my family said you couldn't even see my ears. I was in UAB for close to 3 months.
I don't remember a lot of my hospitalization. There are bits and pieces, like after waking up from my coma and still being in the unit, I can see Cindy, my nurse, sitting outside my room and me watching the clock waiting for visiting hours. I was still in the cardiac care unit, so visitation was limited. The only problem was I didn't know if it was AM or PM so I just watched the clock. I remember, since I had the stroke and since I was in a coma, that I had to learn how to do simple things, like hold a fork or spoon. I remember having the spoon taped to my hand and me trying to raise my hand with something in the spoon. It was so hard! Or the time that I was to get weighed and because I couldn't move, a lift of some sort was used to lift me up off the bed so they could put a scale under me. Something went wrong and they dropped me upside down in the bed. That is a fear that you cannot describe, being dropped face down and you not being able to move or raise yourself up. When my family came in and I told them what happened, needless to say I was not left alone with any nurse or tech without a family member being there.
There are other memories, most come and go. Everyone says it is a good thing that I don't remember everything. Sometimes I wish I could remember more because when they are talking about different things that happen, I feel like they are talking about someone else or a TV show or something. That is 3 months of my life that don't seem to exist.
There is a vivid memory though...one I did talk about to many people, but I have recently felt a strong need to share. My daughter Katie was either about to turn 15 or had just turned 16 (since I don't know when this happened and she turned 16 while I was in the hospital). I had what I call a vision simply because I don't know what to call it. I have heard of others who have stated that they had died and been brought back and saw a light or loved ones coming to greet them and I will honestly say that I was not sure I believed them. That is no longer the case. I don't know exactly what point this happened and since I was intubated and could not speak a good part of the time, I could not tell my family so they do not know either. I remember a light...a beautiful white light. It was like no other light I had seen. It was all I could see. There were no boundries, I was surrounded by it. The light was not a white you would see looking directly into a lightbulb. It was the purest light you could imagine. I did not see any loved ones coming to greet me, but I think it is because God sent me back before that happened. I just remember crying and saying "not now, I have a 16 year old daughter who needs me". I remember that very clearly. I asked my husband if he knew when that might have happened. He stated he did not know that, but when they were to take my breathing tube out, he was the only family member that was allowed in. He stated that the first thing I said was that I had seen a white light and I told them I couldn't go yet because I had a daughter. He stated that he looked up and the nurse had tears in her eyes.
My family was told that there had been many close calls while I was in the hospital and they said that there was a crash cart always nearby. But, we did not know how close. Kenny travels a lot with his job and had to go to Tampa. One of my favorite doctors had transferred to a hospital down there to head the department and Kenny went to see him. Kenny was surprised when he recognized him before he even said anything. The doctor told Kenny that I had coded and had to be brought back four times during my hospitalization. The only thing we don't know now is which time did I see the light.